The Diary
by penned.in.sanity
Summary: Anna Potter has never fit in anywhere. With the help of her mother's diary, she will learn more about her parents' world than she ever knew, but will she want to know everything she learns? What really happened to them back then? Rated T for language. HHr
1. Behind Blue Eyes

A/N: This is a new story I'm working on, I am going to fish my other one…sometime. Ok here's a key.

**Bold Writing :** mother's diary

_Italic Writing: _Openings to chapter and sometimes thoughts

Regular Writing: um…I hope you can tell

**_Italic Bold Writing: _ **these are song lyrics, every chapter is named after a song, and normally the one I am listening to then. Every chapter will begin with song lyrics and italic thoughts.

Chapter 1: Behind Blue Eyes

_**But my dreams**_

_**Hey aren't as empty**_

_**As my conscience seems to be**_

_**I have hours, only lonely**_

_**My love is vengeance**_

_**That's never free**_

_**No one knows what it's like **_

_**To be mistreated**_

_**To be defeated**_

_**Behind blue eyes**_

_**-Limp Bizkit **_

_All I wish is that I could see their faces one more time, to see them with me would satisfy my thirst from a family of my own. My life is not whole without them, but the short while they were here, seem to pass me by, and I not realizing that the few precious moments should have been preserved in my mind, so they would not fade away._

I sat out on the porch viewing the spacious garden which lay in front of my own eyes like a picture, the vastness of the garden overwhelming me so much that I condemned myself to the confines of my mind, only to be reminded of the thing I wanted to forget right now.

The silence that lay around me was broken by a call from Mrs. Weasley.

I found myself moments later in the cozy kitchen, smelling the warm bread and food that was prepared for me and the others. I always felt out of place at the table, like I was not part of the family they had created before I came. Of course, I truly would never become part of that which they had created, as much as they tried to make me feel at home, it still felt like their home, not mine, and I knew it would never be mine.

"Anna dear, are you ok?" Mr. Weasley said carefully, knowing I was known for emotional outbursts at random times.

"Of course," I stuttered, "why wouldn't I be? By the way, thank you for the dinner tonight Mrs. Weasley."

Mrs. Weasley was a caring woman, much like her husbands mother, Molly Weasley. She seemed most concerned that I was not becoming part of the family, part of all theirs normal lives. She wanted me not to be an outsider, but I knew that would never be the case.

I finished dinner as quick as I could, excusing myself from the lively table only to confine myself in my room upstairs. I found the diary my mother had wrote in about her life and my father. Every time I turned the battered pages, tears seemed to overflow from my eyes, sending a cascade of tears down my cheeks on to the soft white pages, the ink smearing so that it the words would become illegible.

My mother's words always seemed to make me feel as if she herself were reading them to me, wiping away my tears whilst reading.

**I could not bring myself to tell him yet. He seemed far to hung up on the other girl cavorting around pretending to be all perfect and such. I only wish he wasn't leaving, he would not tell the place or time, he just left me in my sea of tears, trying not to drown. **

**I still love him diary, and I will always. I love Harry James Potter.**

**Hermione**

A/N: I hope you liked it. Please review! Thank you


	2. Rush

A/N: hey people, I have only got one stinking review so please can I have at least 3. Pretty please! Ok, anyways here's chapter 2. You know it goes.

Chapter 2: Rush

_**Can you feel it, can you feel it,**_

_**Rushin' through your hair,**_

_**Rushin' through your head,**_

_**Can you feel it, can you feel it,**_

_**Don't let nobody tell your life is over,**_

_**Be every color that you are,.**_

_**Into the rush now,**_

_**You don't have to know how,**_

**_Know it all before you'll try._**

_**-Aly & AJ**_

_All my life I kept searching for answers that didn't exist, only to discover that I was asking the wrong questions. Don't let the fear of the unknown keep you from asking the right questions and searching for the answers. _

I had a feeling I had fallen asleep reading my mother's diary last night I found myself in an odd position on my bed. The warm sunlight washed through the bay window that overlooked the beautiful sunrise of the morning.

My mother's diary, a little crinkled from me sleeping on it, still was clasped tightly in my hands, its tear stained pages holding the only memories left of my parents. My mother's words holding the only truth to what really had happened to the famous Harry Potter and his beloved wife-to-be. In some way, it was a portal into their lives and world, a gateway that connected my thoughts with them, and one of the only pieces of them that I had left.

I heard a knocking at my bedroom door and the soft creak as Mr. Weasley opened it. He looked tired and weary but nonetheless cheerful at the sight of me awake.

"Anna, dear, I just came up here to see if you had woken up yet, and I can see now that you are," Mr. Weasley said, his words soft and careful as if he didn't want to upset me.

"Um, ok, thanks for checking," I said, the words falling carelessly out of my mouth.

"Look, I just wanted know if you wanted any breakfast," he asked.

"No, not really, I am really not that hungry. I would rather just be alone for awhile, if you don't mind," I said.

"You really need to eat something," he said sternly.

"I'm not hungry," I said a little agitated now.

"Damn, Anna, I'm putting my foot down this time. I am here to make sure you are healthy and well cared for!" he practically shouted at me.

"O, so what the fuck am I to you then? Some stupid shitty little girl you got stuck caring for?" I shouted back at him.

"NO! You are my best friends' daughter. I would do anything for you," he said more sincerely.

"Shut up! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't believe you! You wouldn't care about me if I wasn't Harry and Hermione's daughter!" I screamed, tears rushing violently down my cheeks.

"Anna…" he started, but he didn't finish, he just sighed instead, running his hand through his red locks.

"Don't even start, I don't want to hear it anymore," I said a little more calm now. I started for the door but he moved in front of me, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug, nearly suffocating me in the process.

"Come downstairs and have some breakfast," he whispered in my ear.

"Ok" I mumbled back, needing something to lean on at the moment.

I staggered down the stairs with Mr. Weasley, his arm around me for emotional and physical support on the way to breakfast

I made my way back upstairs after breakfast to read more of my mother's diary. I made my way into the still sunlit room and over the diary that lay on my bed.

I flipped through the pages until she came across an entry that sounded interesting.

**I wish he was here now with me. It seems so lonely here in the common room; the only thing that seems alive is the fire burning in the fireplace. **

**Everything today was a blur. All I can remember is him all day. His crooked glasses that sit just on the end of his nose, his unruly black hair, and his perfect eyes, oh his eyes, those perfect emerald orbs that you could just drown in, everything about him was perfect, of course, he is always perfect to me. **

**I sometimes wonder what he actually thinks of me, I mean, I know that he likes me as a best friend and all but what does he really think. Does he like me as more than a friend or nothing more than what we are now? **

**I will never understand men at all. All they care about is how women look, not how smart a woman is, but how she looks and dresses. I think it is a little shallow in my book.**

**I got to go but I'll write tomorrow.**

**Hermione**

A/N: Ok, there's Chapter 2, its short again but it's like midnight and I'm like hella tired. I started cursing so if you don't like swearing, stop reading. I hope you liked it. Please review! Thank you!


	3. Unwritten

A/N: hey people I haven't updated in a while and I am sorry but I have been swamped with conferences tests and projects and homework. I think homework should be list ed under medieval torture devices. It also directly violates the constitution because the constitution says _"no cruel or unjust punishments" _and I think a _cruel, unjust punishment _perfectly describes homework. Anyways, sorry bout going of about homework like that and I would like to thank my reviewers; I know some people don't like this but I do!

Daniel-Radcliffe-luvr-21002100 thank you for the review, and thanks for the nice compliment about the diary entries.

call me brit thank you for the review!

FalconMistress17 I am updating more now so stop getting on my case about it!

amrawo thank you for the review !

FalconMistress17 _I AM UPDATING!_

Anyways, here goes chapter 3!

Chapter 3: Unwritten

_**Reaching for something the distance**_

_**So close you almost tase it**_

_**Release your innovations**_

_**Feel the rain on your skin**_

_**No one else can feel it for you**_

_**Only you can let it in**_

_**No one else, no one else**_

_**Can speak the on your lips**_

_**Drench yourself in words unspoken**_

_**Live your life with arms wide open**_

_**Today is where your book begins**_

_**The rest is still unwritten**_

_**- Natasha Bedingfield**_

_All our lives we are searching for the one special someone, the person you will spend the rest of your life with, the one person who fills the dark spaces in your heart with love. We go searching all over the place, trying to find that person, but all we need to do is stop searching and look at the person right in front of your eyes that you would have never thought of. _

It became a ritual, everyday I would read an entry from the diary, and everyday would leave me with more questions and more sadness. The family began to distance themselves from me, at least the kids did. I was not invited anymore to play so game or puzzle with them, I was becoming invisible.

I spent most of my time reading and laying outside in the garden. The garden is my haven. The bright green grass vast and glowing, the daisies all over the flower beds mixed in with the tulips and roses tilting and the wind blew against them softly, the sun warmly shining on my pale skin. I just read when I am there. It is my sanctuary.

Every time I look up at the clouds, I can see their faces, at least the ones I have seen of them from Mr. Weasley's photo albums. They smile at me as if they are here with me, here to love me and hold, here to be my family. Tears coming rolling down my cheeks whenever I see their faces. I want to know everything about them, but I don't know anything.

I can hear someone yelling when I wake up. I can hear sobbing and screaming and hitting, but not from our house. Our family now has a neighbor, not having personally met them yet I already know that they are not like this family, they are not perfect.

Two distinct voices can be heard, one sounds young, maybe my age, the other deep and older, both obviously male. I slip off my bed, trying as to not make a sound, and tip toe over to my window that overlooks my haven. I can now hear them better, the younger one's voice sounds to me like a combination between anger and being afraid, where as the older one just sounds extremely angry. I wish I could see them, see their faces. I am completely engrossed in their argument, even though I have no idea what they are saying, I only hear slurs of syllables and words, no distinct sentences though. I can seem to surmise that the older one is the father and the younger one his son. My mind now wanders to the mother. Is she not there? Is there no mother? If the mother is there, is she scared like her son, or angry like her husband? A slew of possibilities and question run through my mind as I try to figure a family that I have never met and don't know the slightest thing about.

Then suddenly I see someone come out the side door into their garden, he must be the son because he looks about my age. For some reason I feel some impulse to go and talk to him, which is exactly what I end up doing.

I run around my room trying to find a shirt, pulling it smoothly over my head, and I pull on a pair of jeans and flip-flops and run out of the house. I now have no care as to whether anyone knows I am awake or what I am doing.

I am now free of the house; I am running to where he is, not sure whether he is still there or not. I lift up the loose board in the fence that I found when they built the fence so I could lay in the grass. I now see him standing there in the sun. He looks hurt. I want to help him.

He looks up, noticing me. He seems a little confused.

Standing still in place he says "how did you get in here?"

I look embarrassed because I just realize I just ran into his yard expecting him to tell me everything.

"Through the fence, I live in the house next door," I slowly say.

"Oh…why are you here?" he asks, still confused on why I came running into his yard.

He speaks before I can, and asks "is this how you greet all your neighbors?"

I laugh, I haven't laughed in a long time. I say, "No, not at all. I just heard the fight and thought you might…never mind…I was stupid…I am going to go now."

"Wait…" I think he says, but I don't respond, I just leave, running all the way back to my room, crying for some weird reason.

I find my mom's diary and open it and read.

**I don't see him anymore. I wish I could, but I can't. Everyone says he is unstable. Everyone says is a horrible person. I don't believe them. Ron says he is not worthy of me and that only my true friends are. I think he is implying himself, and I think he is going to show me why he is. I am scared.**

**Hermione**

A/N: Hopefully that was sort of a cliff hanger. This chapter is longer. I am working on writing longer chapters, but it's hard. I will update REALLY soon. No cursing in this chapter because no one is mad and I only swear when I am mad or laughing really hard or surprised. Please review. 


	4. Confessions of a Broken Heart

A/N: hey people. I am going to thank my reviewers again. I've been sick this weekend so I have had lots of free time so I can write so that is why I am updating more now. I might not until like Thanksgiving because I have two major projects going on in school right now and then I have my Japanese exchange student coming for 10 days and I probably won't be able to update, sorry, but I definitely will the weekend after Thanksgiving. Anyways, here are my thanks to my reviewers.

call me brit please don't cry _kneeling on the ground begging_, I will update _hands up in the air and shouting in defeat_!

Kat69159 one: thank you for the review and two: I love your name since my nickname in real life happens to be Kat

Tragic Eyez you will see the mystery unveiled…in time…muhahaha…_does evil little dance while laughing manically_

Here goes chapter 4!

Chapter 4: Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)

_**Why'd you have to go**_

_**Why'd you have to go**_

_**Why'd you have to go**_

_**Why'd you have to go**_

_**Daughter to father, daughter to father**_

_**I am broken but I am hoping**_

_**Daughter to father, daughter to father**_

_**I am crying, a part of me dying and**_

_**These are, these are the**_

_**Confessions of a broken heart**_

_**- Lindsay Lohan**_

_Sometimes you might find yourself starring at one person for so long that you forget what is around except for them; the world fades into black while that one person shines brightly through. All this time though you might not realize that that person is smiling back at you._

I spent the whole rest of the thinking about him, about how stupid I had been to run over there. I just keep running in the wide open fields by the house. I am running away from my life, my problems; I am running away from everything. I am alone outside, running away from everyone, and then I see him.

He just sits there in the field cross legged, starring directly at me. He stands slowly, and begins to speak, "Please don't run away from me I am not trying to hurt you." He puts his hands up in front of him, meaning he means no harm to me.

For the first time since I've seen him I finally notice what he looks likes. He's pretty tall, lean and muscular. His hair reminds me of my father's, it is a messy black mop of hair that's pretty short. His eyes are piercing blue orbs that look cold when you first look at them, but when you take a second glace, you can find speck of amber and love in them. I can't stop starring at him.

"Are you ok?" he asks me.

I stare dumbfounded at him for a second before answering.

"Yes, I am. Um…who…who…are…_you?_" I manage to get out of my mouth without stuttering too much.

"Oh…right…you don't know who I am. Yeah, I am stupid. My name is Dan (A/N: I always loved that name, and I didn't name him that because of the actor who plays Harry) and as you know I am your neighbor. May I ask the same of you?" He asks me. He keeps starring at me with his perfect blue eyes.

"My…my name…my name is…um…Anna and I am one of you neighbors I guess," I said. I don't know why I am so nervous around him.

"Anna, that's a pretty name. Come sit I don't bite, I promise," he says kindly, sitting down in the grass.

I move slowly over to him even though my legs are aching to run. I sit down next to him.

"So," he says, "Anna, let me ask you a question. I have seen the rest of your family, and you look nothing like them. I know that kind of is none of my business but I kind of need something to take my mind of my own damn problems."

I just stare at him trying to take in everything he has just said. I begin slowly.

"Please, I don't want to talk about it," I say, tears now coming down my face, "and I would prefer if we didn't talk about me. I can't deal with anything right now!" I now realize I am sobbing. I feel his arm around my shoulders, soothing me, not asking any questions, he's just there to listen, not talk. I think I know consider him a sort of friend. He is holding me tightly now; I am curled up in his lap crying, but I feel like I am safe, safe from everything. He is keeping me safe.

Dan walked me home after my little crying episode. I ran all the way upstairs to my room before anyone could ask where I had been or who I had been with.

I found the diary and flipped to a random page and looked at the entry, it was a single line, only two words and her name.

**Help me.**

**Hermione**

A/N: ok, I know this chapter is shorter but I kind of have to go to bed because I am sick and my dad is getting mad at me. Sorry! Anyways I know I didn't explain the whole Ron thingy from last chapter but I will later. If I get up to 10 reviews I will be so happy! So, please review!


	5. Flattery

**A/N:** ok so I was starting my new story when I re-read this and decided to maybe pick it up again. So here is chapter 5 after about a year and a half. Oh well I hope you like it!

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Chapter 5: Flattery 

_**I will admit it**_

_**If you admit it**_

_**It's harder than we both thought**_

_**It's easier to fall apart**_

_**Look where we are**_

_**I can forgive it**_

_**I can't forget it**_

_**You've left me here with all these scars**_

_**And you can't deny the hardest part**_

_**I'm not in your arms**_

_**-Aly & AJ**_

**----------------------------------**

_Wondering everyday whether or not you should be together won't bring the inevitable any closer. The only way to surely know is not to be afraid to ask the question to unlock what destiny will bring. Open the doors and watch the world move around you. Don't live in the moments of your mind where only fantasies and memories dwell, instead live in the future of reality, where the world is alive and only fate knows what really is possible. Let fate show you how your memories should be molded for the future of your life and relationship. _

_­_--------------------------------

The rest of the day I sulked around my room, dragging my feet clad in fuzzy blue slippers. My hair was piled on top of my head in a messy bun, strands of my chocolate brown hair falling in front of my green eyes. The sounds of the other children playing games and running around in the house traveled into my room. They didn't need me to have fun, I was just a nuisance. Do they even realize I'm not down there with them?

I walked over to the window, touching my hand against the pane as I watched the rain outside slide down the glass outside. I sat down on the soft cushion of the window seat. The water trickled down the pane creating a spider web of water covering the outside world. The bright flowers of the garden were weighed down with rain and the world looked dreary, much like my mood.

I was so absorbed in the water circling down the pane that I didn't hear the footsteps coming across the wood panels of my floor. The footsteps stopped right behind me and a hand laid softly on my slender shoulder.

"I just came to see if you were ok." A voice came from behind me and scared me nearly shitless.

"Dan..." I murmured softly, turning to face him. His eyes were bright blue against his pale, cold skin; trickles rain water fell from his jet black hair.

"Are you ok?" he asked calmly, not taking his warm hand from my shoulder. Right now it was the only warmth in my whole body.

"Yeah…yes…I'm fine…really I am fine," I stuttered, the words came out more like I was trying to convince myself more than him. I could tell though from his eyes that he wasn't buying my statement.

"Anna…" he said squeezing my shoulder, looking at me with knowing eyes. Even though I had only known him for a short while, he already could see through my façade of happiness and acceptance. Pulling my knees up closer to my chest, I left room on the window seat for him to sit, which he did as if reading my mind.

"I wish I could be part of something. I feel like an outsider…" I whispered, turning my face from his. I couldn't look at him; there was something about the way his blue eyes were piercing my façade with daggers that scared me. I didn't want him to see me; nobody was supposed to see me, _nobody._

"But you don't have to be…" he soothed; his hand had moved from my shoulder to on top of my delicate hand resting atop my knee.

"Dan…" I whispered looking at him. I knew somewhere deep down that he was right but I couldn't accept it. I couldn't think about it, how the entire reason I felt alone and scared was because I wanted it that way. I didn't want to feel part of the family because they weren't my family; I didn't want it to be like I forgetting who my family was.

He kept looking into my green eyes, as if trying to search for something in my eyes that had been hidden for so long. His blue eyes were calm and warm and before I knew it he was leaning forward closer and closer. I just closed my eyes and let his lips press softly against mine.

Everything in my mind melts away as he continues to kiss me, his lips moving softly against mine, and I let everything pretense in me go and kiss him back as the rain drops to the ground outside.

-----------------------

_Earlier that day…_

I sat on my bed, returning from my crying episode outside with Dan. I pull out my mother's diary again, the only thing that provides comfort for me anymore.

I flipped it open to one of the first entries of the diary, one of my favorites.

**I can't be afraid of what will happen between us anymore. I just have to jump off head first and hope for the best, because I can't pretend that there isn't anything there anymore. I love him more than words can express, him, Harry James Potter. That will never change…**

**Hermione**

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**A/N: **anyways please review. I don't know if this is any good so _**please review**_ and let me know what you think. And all the stuff from previous chapters and the mysteries of the diary entries will be explained probably next chapter or the one after that.


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